sure, so easy to find.....

New Obsession

Rafael Lazzini

Wasted

I hate when my love is wasted on someone who doesn't understand it, doesn't feel it, and doesn't want it.

Another one bites the dust

I went on eharmony. I met some guys, they all kinda sucked. One was a bit more persistant than the others. I started liking him, alot. 5 months of dating, many trials and tests to or relationship in that time, I started to fall in love with him. The feeling apparently was not mutual.

We broke up yesterday.

I'm hurting. Part of me is hoping he comes back to me to try to make it right.....but usually that never happens...you know movie like happy ending. So, I've got to move on. Find someone who will love me...just the way I am(thanks bridget jones).

I guess I'm not one of those happy couples on the eharmony commercials. Damn. So close.

Butterflies and Chocolate = Perfect

Oh all the lovely things that make me happy. I love when I get butterflies because of thoughts of a certain someone. All morning long, just the thought of him, makes me smile. I had a great date last night with my new love interest. Let's call him Mountain Man. We went out to dinner and it was perfectly ended by chocolate espresso rum bread pudding. So, there is a very hot man, lots of red wine, and chocolate. Does it get any better??? Um yes, yes my friends it does.  ;-)

Doomsville, USA

I've met a great guy via online dating. He is ambitious, smart, handsome, athletic, affectionate, the list goes on. Ok, he isn't perfect, but he pretty damn awesome. So why do I think in the back of my mind/heart.....I will mess it up!!. OR he is hiding something, a big RED flag that I have yet to discover. Oh no, I can't just be happy with the place that I am, living in the now. Maybe the reason I've been single for so long isn't because of them, maybe it's actually because of ME???

I'm going to just try to enjoy getting to know this man, enjoy the ride. He is just so freaking great that I can't believe he is real.

It's all about the accent....

This is one of my favorites

Why is there such an appeal to a man with an accent. It's like we all just melt when they talk, even if they are saying something so simple as "I went to the store today".......oh yeah that sounds hot! I've actually met an Australian man, who lives there. We talk on the phone about once a week for the past 2 months. I save each and every one of his voice mails to listen to when I need a fix.  He is HOT, and it's not just the accent. This is a true man to the core. This man might actually come back to the states to visit me. And this could be a problem. For many reasons, but the main reason is the fact that I want to see him, and there is a chance that I might be getting serious with someone that lives here. Could I hold back with the amazing, nice, sexy man here because in the back of my mind I can't wait to see my Aussie? Trouble is a lurking.

Delete Heart-BACK!

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."

- Tom Petty

I really only want my friends to read my blog. Back in December some people found this blog, that I didn't want to read, so I shut down. I think after the passing months they have forgotten about this little blog of mine.

To follow some little stories that have gotten me to where I am now.......which is exciting!

Can we talk about.......

Adam Scott!!!! Well not really talk, just look. I think I have converted a few friends into AS fans after my "List" post. So I thought, we need some more pics to make us smile on this lovely Friday afternoon.

Have a great weekend!
Diane

Jealousy

I was never a jealous person, for a very long time. I never had anything to be jealous about when it came to men I was dating. I always trusted them, and never worried about other women. Well my friends, not anymore. I know the exact moment I became a jealous person, and from then on there was no looking back. I've converted over to "jealous" being a part of me. I truely wish I could not look at situations with a suspicious eye, but it's my nature now.

I know I can't stop someone I'm dating from straying, cheating, leaving me. It is out of my control. If thats what he chooses to do, he will do it. My reactions, words, and worry will not stop a man from hurting me. So, there is no point in getting jealous, its a waste of my energy and emotional upheavel. But, there is no rationale to how I feel. I can't explain it.

Last night I got jealous, and I thought I had a valid reason to be, at the time. Today, after careful thought, maybe I was overreacting a bit. I can't help it though!!!! :)

Tis the Season.......

I'm lovin the holidays this year. Surprising actually considering that I'm VERY single, and have had such an interesting past year. I was prepping myself to hit a huge wall of depression come December, being that it's my 31st BDay and the in pending loneliness that comes with Christmas. Last year, I honestly didn't celebrate Christmas except for on the 25th. I didn't put up my tree, no decorations, no Christmas music. I just ignored it at all costs. BUT, this year I'm deep in the middle of it! I wake up in the morning with Christmas songs in my head. I don't really listen to any other music right now.

I guess I'm embracing where I am in life right now. I can enjoy this season with no attachments, no one else to worry about. I like it. 

Dating Advice

This made me laugh :)
Yahoo Shine IMPOSSIBLE Dating tips.

Happy Birthday to ME

I sought for Love
But Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul
But my Soul I couldn't see.
Then I sought You,
And I found all three.

I feel great this year on my birthday, better than last year. I'm more aware of myself and what I seek in everyday. This will be an amazing 31st year :-)

Timing

I've been thinking about relationships(big surprise), why it works sometimes where you fall in love and why other times it never really launches even though you have great chemistry and all the right ingredients are there for it to be something great, i.e. LOVE. I've done some research on this, not really by choice, but I have come up with a thought on why sometimes it never lifts off. Failure to launch.

I was talking with a guy friend recently. He said something that in the year and a half that I've known him he never mentioned before. "Well, I'm not even going to think about marriage until I'm 30". This idea of his has been in his brain for years now. There is no pressure for him to actively look for the "one". He is happy with being single and not focusing on a relationship. Oh my, why can't I be like that?

What I have realized is that I believe a lot of men have this notion. Maybe not so much a time stamp, just that all the ducks have to be in a row before they even consider settling down. All the ducks in a row can be a number of things; career, money, owning a house, owning a BMW, physically fit, sewing their wild oats, this list goes on and on.  So, if this is true, if they aren't ready and they meet a great girl, like me :), they won't even let the relationship lift off because they know its not the right timing. This sometimes isn't even thought out by men, it is a sub-conscious act.

Meanwhile, here I am, I meet a great guy like Shorty, chemistry-check, humor-check, intelligent-check, kind hearted-check, all the ingredients are there for ME, but not for Shorty. He doesn't even know it, but his launch date is not now, and probably not anytime soon. That might be why he sub-consciously didn't treat me all the great, putting me on low end of his priority list.

It's not just Shorty, there are probably 3 other men, that I liked, we had a lot of the right ingredients, but it wasn't the right time for them. My question is, why is it always the right time for me, but never for them?  I can't do or say or control any of this. I'm just waiting for the right ingredients to match up with the right timing.

The List

I get bored, often. I have devised my list of 5 celebrity men that "if" I were in a relationship, and if I had the opportunity would be granted a "Pass" to hook up with one of these men on the list. If you remember, this was a Friends episode, Ross had Isabella Rossellini on his list, but traded her out, then Isabella walked into Central Perk. Ross went up to her, said she was on his list, she wanted to see the list, but unfortunately she wasn't on it. Ross didn't get lucky :(

After many years of careful thought, weighing on many options, trading out as my tastes have changed. Here it is, in no certain order-------------------------

Adam Scott, Pro Golfer

Joel McHale, Funny Man

Josh Duhamel

Justin Timberlake

Caleb Followill, Kings of Leon

Nervous

WOW, my heart is beating faster, I can't sleep(without a pill), and my mind is racing. Hours till I see a certain someone and I'm a nervous wreck! 

Trying to think of the last time I was this nervous........

Ok, I have never Bungee Jumped, but I'm nervous just thinking about it.

Used to love roller coasters, now, not so much



Yes, I have walked down the aisle, I was nervous, hence maybe the reason I'm not married to that guy anymore

So, breathe Di, keep calm, life is out of my control, I can only control how I react to life. Breathe, Breathe.  I've been doing alot of yoga lately :) that's why all the breathing.

Heading Home

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Ahhhh, the holidays have begun. Time to make my way north to Tulsa for Thanksgiving. I'm really looking forward to it. To see my friends, and I guess family as well, although they can me a little taxing at times.

I always loved going home to Tulsa when I didn't live there. I loved going out with friends and seeing people I haven't seen in awhile. It's fun.

I also have an interesting meeting/date with an old flame. I'm trying not to over analyze that situation too much. Just have fun, catch up. Problem is, I'm totally over analyzing, too a point that I can't sleep the last few nights. I'm sure my old flame isn't thinking too much about it right now, because, after all he is a man. I'm ready to just see him, and get it over with so I can stop thinking about all the "what ifs".

Really, I should go back to my previous post, and take some of my own advise. You know, If it didn't work out then, could it really work out now????? In my heart-I say yes, in my mind-I say no. HMMMM quite the dilemma.... 

Feelin Good :)

I feel very proud of myself today. The situation with Shorty was still a roller coaster the last few weeks. I really didn't post anything on here because it would be redundant to anyone reading this blog(hi Auds and Susan, my only readers)))). It was redundant in my relationship with Shorty. He was not considerate of my time, always always late. Not 10-15 minutes late, like 45 to a hour late. I still would barely see him, and when we did hang out most of the time he would be preoccupied with his phone or the game on TV.

The last straw was Sunday. We had plans to hangout during the day once my family that was visiting me left. Shorty was MIA for nearly 4 hours. Excuse=Napping.

Last night he came over to see me, and I broke it off. I FEEL GREAT. Best decision I ever made. All his crap just piled up to the point that I just don't like him anymore.

So now I don't have to deal with his crap anymore. His lack of money, he living situation with his PARENTS(Yah!), his lack of time for me. The burden of it is lifted off me.

Quotes

I loved the book Eat, Pray, Love. I read it last year at a point in my life that I was alone, and down over a man that had hurt me. There are a few quotes that I relate to so much that I often think about when the cards are not playing in my favor with a man. Here are the ones that pretty much discribe me to a tee:

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

"If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."


"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "

I can't wait to see the movie, missed it in the Theater, so waiting for DVD.

One Day at a Time

So, I took things wrong, again. Since my last post "we" have been great! I might be over dramatic at points. Its a big step for me to admit I'm dramatic. I've always thought of myself as an easy going girl, low maintenance. But I guess somewhere along the way.....probably in the last year....I have started taking situations with men a little too seriously, or literally, or emotionally. Not really sure. I'm thinking I need to chill out.
Ways for me to CHILL OUT:

By far my favorite way to CHILL OUT: