So Tell Me if This is a Bad Idea?

An X, lets call him Kiki(I know funny name, but its all I can come up with), has invited me to come visit him at his parents vacation home in Carmel California. Yep, the gorgeous spot shown above. I love Carmel, and we went there last year together, and had a great time. Are 3 month relationship last year was a roller coaster. We progressed quickly, too quickly, moved in together, then it all ended for many reasons. We have been texting for the last month now, and I know he truly does care about me. Its probably not going to work if we try again, but I would like to see him, and would love to go to Carmel. Bad Idea?

Friday Night

This is what I WISH I was doing.........

This is what I will end up doing.

Drinking and Texting Don't Mix

If I had one major issue with dating, its this...........drinking and texting. It's my weakness, give me a glass of wine, and please take my phone away from me. I get this since of "bravery", and I rationalize why I need to text this man RIGHT NOW. Oh how many mornings I wake, roll over and check my phone, "ohhhhh, why did I text him that?".

Last night I was like an addict needing my fix. I texted 3, yes, 3 men last night. Only one replied, Shorty. Which is the only one that should have. The other 2 are not even worth my time or text, but last night I rationalized that I needed to loose any dignity I still had left. I literally thought "who cares at this point what the think about me, I want to text them". So this morning I woke, rolled over, and there they were, 2 texts to men that didn't not reply(which I immediately deleted, I don't want to have that reminder). Do I feel good about myself today? NO. That was just stupid and pointless. Thanks to the 3 glasses of wine and the so called "bravery". You made my day :)

And, yes, I didn't see Shorty last night, even though he had said he wanted to take me to some BDay party. His sister had a baby, which he knew before hand was going to happen on Thursday because the birth was scheduled. But he said he would be free from family obligations by nighttime and he wanted to see me. As many times before, he was wrong. He didn't even call me. I texted him(haha, yep drunk text) at 9. His reply was nice enough, that he was still with family and stuff about the baby. But why couldn't he call me or at least text me at some point in the evening to let me know he was not able to go to the BDay party, and not able to see me?  Yet again, I will let this one slide.

Current Dating Situation

Currently dating "Shorty". A tall man, see the pun. Casually dating off and on since June. All the "offs" were because he would make me mad, and we would stop talking for a few weeks.

So we are "on" and things are going alot better than expected. But I've also lowered my expectation this time around with him, hence why it's going well. I do like him, best quality-humor, he is hilarious, worst quality-not alot of time for me. So we will see how this one goes.

He invited me to a wedding on Saturday night, but said he has to check that's its ok to bring a date, with such short notice. And last night he invited me to go to a friends BDay party tonight, lets see if he flakes on me(its happened before). I will update you on how that goes. I'm sure by Sunday I will be saying we are OFF. hahaha

The start of my love, or lack there of, Blog.

Venus, The Goddess of Love

So, Venus, why do I hate you so?

I'm 30, desperately wanting to not be alone, searching constantly and forever for true love. Where is the man already! Not like I haven't actively tried, even forced relationships thinking I'm too picky, so just settle for this guy, but that didn't turn out so well, DIVORCE. Then I gave everything I had to another man, to find out 2 years later he would never marry me, HEART BROKEN.

At this point, I think I'm un-lucky with love. Or how my mom and sister like to always tell me, pretty much every time we talk, "he will come when your not looking". Well that's a problem, because I can't stop looking. I look everywhere!!! I've been on so many dates I'm exhausted.

I moved to Dallas, from Tulsa, thinking it will be easier to be 30 and single in a city like Dallas. Boy-oh-boy, I was wrong. This city has turned up and out some real doozies. The men here are just clueless on how to treat a women. I try to give them excuses, like its all the technology, cell phones/texting, your too available. Or its society, women are supposed to be more free and liberal(well that's not me). But the truth of the matter is I'm just not finding "the one", ugh. 

So, my blog, Delete Heart, I named because these days I'm wishing I didn't have this annoying, romance seeking, sappy, open to love HEART. It hurts me every time, fails me. I wish I could just hit the Delete button on my heart. Erase the pain, the torture. If I didn't have the Heart, I could just live free without fear. But I'm sure your thinking right now just like I am, ohhhhhh the rewards of being in love out way the pain. Yea, Yea, I know.

Follow my journey to find true love.......maybe I'm full of sh#t, and this will never be read by anyone, but its out there, so maybe I will feel better about my journey.